The other morning I woke up with a very heavy feeling. It was a two fold heavy feeling. First it was heavy out of sheer exhaustion. I had spent the previous night up with Clara. She decided to spend the wee morning hours awake and wanting things like a juice box and cheese. She was confused thinking it was play time and not sleep time. Her new found independence with her toddler bed has allowed her new found freedom in the middle of the night. So by the time 6am rolled around, my heavy eyelids were still very tired. The other heavy feeling I was "feeling" was the feeling of two heavy legs on my back. Luke has still mastered the art of sneaking into our bed in the middle of the night. He cannot sleep parallel. He has to sleep perpendicular. Therefor, I had two heavy legs literally on me. I must have been too tired before to notice. At first I was a little annoyed with my kids. I laid there for a split second wishing I could have a full nights rest with peace.
The next night, I was laying down with Luke to put him to bed. I have never had it in me just to shut the door and tell my kids to go to bed. I lay by them while they fall asleep. I guess one could argue its a bait and switch to just leave once they fall asleep, but I like to think I'm helping them feel better. Luke has two pillows on his bed. I had us all situated, Luke on his pillow, and I was laying on the pillow next to him. Luke slowly and slyly crept over to the pillow I was laying on. Then he cuddled right up next to me. He sleeps on a queen bed, so there is plenty of room for him to stretch out, but he chose to cuddle up next to me. In that moment I was no longer annoyed with the heavy legs I woke up with on me. Then the cherry on top moment came. Luke quietly kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you mommy, good night." Talk about melt a mommy's heart. Then I started to think about all the nights I have forgone watching tv, or reading a book and spent the time reading to my kids and laid next to them as they drifted off to sleep. It's added up to a lot of time spent. Every second has been worth it. They say that your entire personality depends on how your parents treat you in your first five years of life. I've only got one more year to make it right with Luke! The day will come when Luke no longer wants me to lay by him, or doesn't want me around. I am sure I will miss the moment when he decided to cuddle next to me. I am sure I will be mad at myself that I was sad I didn't have time for myself. One day I will have time for myself again, and I will miss the craziness of little kids.
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