Why I appreciate my "difficult" son.

Even though this is our family blog, I hardly ever post, and I never just write (that's usually Brandi's passion), I felt compelled to write down my thought.  I know the title of this post doesn't sound very nice, and I shouldn't refer to either of my children as "difficult", but if you asked me which child caused more heartache, sleepless nights, and which was generally more "difficult" (at least as a baby), it would certainly be Luke. 

I was laying down by his side, while he drifted off to sleep, as I do most every night, and I was thinking about him.  He was fighting going to bed.  He wanted mommy to come lay by him instead, but mommy was taking  care of Clara, so I was what he got, whether he wanted me or not. 

I was just trying to get Luke to close his eyes, and go to sleep.  He was ever so tired, and it knew he only had to close his eyes for just one second for them to become too heavy to keep them open any more.  To help expedite the process, I had Luke close his eyes, and I began to rub his forehead with my thumb.  Up and down, to the bridge of his nose, and across his eyebrows, the same way I had done many many nights when he was a baby. 

You see, Luke was our "difficult" baby.  He didn't sleep through the night until he was nearly a year old.  He would wake every two hours, on the dot, to feed, then throw up (he had severe acid reflux), and then sleep again for only a short time.  His period of PURPLE crying seemed to last forever.  And then there was the sicknesses.  Luke seemed to catch every bug that was available, and there were lots of sleeping in the chair with him while he couldn't sleep.  As a baby, we spent many nights holding him while he cried, and many times not being able to sooth him. 

There were many time I would just hold him, and while trying to comfort him, I would rub my thumb across his forehead, up and down to the bridge of his nose, and across his eyebrows.  I'm not sure if that ever actually helped, but I do it sometimes now, and I like to think that someway, he remembers. 

Now to the point.  I think Clara sometimes gets the shaft.  Maybe because she was a much "easier" baby.  I honestly don't remember many specific events of Clara as a baby.  She slept well, she ate well, she never got sick.  Today Luke and Clara are two peas in a pod, but as babies, they were night and day.  Laying there with Luke tonight, I recalled many of the "difficult" times, the hours or crying, the sicknesses, the sleepless nights, lots of very specific details about his time as an infant.

Maybe I've just been a bad parent to Clara, but I have all these memories of baby Luke, but I couldn't remember much about baby Clara.  She is an absolute doll, and we have lots of great memories now, and will have many more in the future, but tonight, in that instance, I was grateful for my "difficult" child, and the memories he has given me.

I just hope one day, Clara will forgive me for all the attention she missed out on because of her older brother.  I have two of the most awesome kids!  Sometimes one just needs a little more attention than the other.