Today has been a bad day. Today has been one of those days where I officially think I am the worst mommy ever! I'm hoping that other mommy's have had these same feelings, but why does it always feel like I have the worst kids and I am the absolute worst mom? Today started out like any other normal day. We go to the grocery store often to keep up on fresh fruit. This morning we were making a quick trip to the grocery store. I try to have "conversations" with Luke in the car on the way to places about behavior that is acceptable or not. It usually includes things like "we aren't going to run away" or "you need to stay right by mommy." Luke will repeat these things back to me, whether or not he chooses to follow is a whole different story.
I have often "dragged" Luke into stores because he doesn't want to hold my hand in parking lots, and so he refuses to walk. I refuse to let go of his hand which usually results to dragging him along. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten the most judgmental harsh looks from other people. Most of the time I don't care. I even had 1 mother stop, who had 3 small children herself, and offer to help me with my child. I kindly refused telling her we are learning a lesson. The lesson is: we hold hands in parking lots and we don't run away. Does nobody else teach their kids lessons? Or am I the only one with the most stubbornest of kids who refuse to learn lessons?
Back to the grocery store this morning. We got out of the car, and I try to park by shopping carts so I can take my kids straight from their car seats to the cart. I put Luke in the basket part of the cart, and we made it into the store safely. He is stubborn and wants to walk "by myself" he tells me. He can climb out of the cart too, which is a regular occurrence. This morning he climbed out of the cart, and he runs away. He doesn't look back, doesn't seem to care, and he can run FAST. I'm positive Luke is faster than most kids. Before I knew it Luke was on the other side of the store. This puts me in a difficult position. I can not catch Luke if I am carrying Clara. So I have to abandon one kid to save the other. So I have resulted to hiding and waiting for Luke to come looking for me. After a while, sometimes, he seems to get scared. Today, when he came back, I was NOT happy and I strapped him into the seat of the cart, so tightly he couldn't get out. What does this result to? A MAJOR temper tantrum. Do I care? NO!!!!!
SO I often let Luke scream, and I pretend it doesn't bother me, and I continue on with my shopping. The lesson here is: you don't run away. Luke HATES to be contained. So I let him scream as long as it takes. This is also when I have gotten looks that could kill. I don't care. Apparently I am the only one with unruly children, and I am the only one whose children through fits. I have had people come up to me before and ask Luke what's wrong, or even offer him candy- are you serious?
Today was different. We frequent the grocery stores in the 8am hour. Not the most busiest of hours, but today there was an elderly couple who was not going to put up with Luke's tantrum. She came right up to me and told me what she thought of me. Which included words like "you're kid is being too loud" when I explained I was teaching him a lesson (which why did I explain myself to her) she told me "to go teach your kid a lesson some place else" along with a few other things..... I have choice 4 letter words for her in my mind, but kindly just walked away. As she walked away, she held her hands over her ears yelling to anyone who would listen that my kid was being too loud for this place. I was hurt. Enough to just walk out of the store.
This normally wouldn't ruin my day, but later in the day I was meeting up with some friends at a play place for the kids. I had been looking forward to this all week. It was a mommy/child play date. I wanted some girlfriend chit chat. It's a clean place with an interior gate, and then an outside door. Kids are running all around and having fun, so a great place to go. After a while, Clara needed her diaper changed, so I left to change her diaper in the facilities bathroom. When I came back, I noticed Luke was out in the parking lot. Another mother had opened both the interior gate and exterior door and let him out into the parking lot. As soon as I saw Luke outside, I dropped Clara and ran like I had never ran before. This facility is on a busy street that was a 50mph road, and Luke was running straight for the road. The mother who let him out, was kinda walking towards him asking him where his mother was. At first all I could think of was running fast enough to catch up with him before the road. As I said before, Luke is fast. He thinks its a game. As soon as he saw me running towards him, he runs even faster towards the road. I have never sprinted so fast in my life. As I pick him up, I was trying to explain to him that we can NOT run away, and that cars will get him. As I walked back inside, the mother who has let him out jokingly says "wow, he's fast" I wanted to slap her and say "ya, think???" She then sort-of apologized for letting him out by saying "sorry, we had a lot of kids coming out and in" She was hinting to the fact that it was my fault for not watching him closer. As mad as I wanted to be at her in that moment, she was right. If it had been her kid heading for the street, do you think she would be joking "wow, he's fast?"
So there is it, today I feel like I deserve the worst mommy award ever. My kid runs away, and I don't know how to stop him. I have tried ever punishment imaginable- even spanking (which I am completely against and will never do again). The first thing we installed in our new house was a door latch. I don't know how to be a better parent to teach him not to run away. He's fast, and he thinks its a game. Every day you hear of tragic "accidents" when children die. Today could have been one of those days. So I vow to never be judgmental when I see another kid throwing a tantrum, that mommy is trying to teach a lesson. I wish I wouldn't let the looks I get affect me. I guess my option is just to stay home inside locked doors and never take Luke anywhere. I have held onto Luke's wrist so tightly that he says I'm hurting him. I hate that my kid runs away- I hate that I haven't taught him not to run away. I hate that my kid almost ran into the street on my watch. I hate that that grandma was so rude to me in the store this morning. I just want to remember today, and know that I can learn from this.
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You will have bad days like this and after a few years you won't remember the bad days, just the good times and laugh at these bad days. You are not a bad mommy!!!!!!! Remember that-- because you care about your kids, because you take good care of them, because you teach them to behave, and you are there for them when they need you.
ReplyDeleteThere is probably not a parent in the world who hasn't had days like that (ask Gilbert about how his toenail was almost torn off). That being said, you are probably looking more for advice than commiseration. However, all children are different, and what works[ed] for one may not work for another. we still have a harness, homemade from bailing twine, we used on our oldest, Sean. It gives a little slack to move around on his own, but not enough to get into too much trouble. Of course, we got some of those "looks that can kill" and comments about treating our child like a dog. In the end, we all have to parent the way we feel best about it. Scary thing is, what may work with child #1 may not work with any subsequent children. Good luck and love to all of you.
ReplyDeleteGrandma and Grandpa Worle